(Some jabroni comes back to Section 118 in the middle of the fifth inning…obscuring the view of other fans just as Carlos Gomez hits a two-run double off Zack Greinke.)
It’s my understanding that at one time, fans attended baseball games in what we would now consider formal attire. While few would argue we should return to the rigid customs of that era, there is something to be said for courtesy.
Without getting histrionic about how American culture is in decline because people use foul language in public, watch too much reality television, look at dirty pictures on the internet, etc., can we agree there are some behaviors that must not be tolerated? If there is any conduct more vulgar and shameful than returning to your seat in the middle of an at-bat, it does not immediately leap to mind.
Bloody hell, would it kill you chumps to wait just one more blasted minute? Your seat ain’t going anywhere, sucker.
I’m not even saying that no one should leave in the middle of an at-bat. Sometimes the beer you drank in the parking lot creates a sense of urgency that won’t wait as a hitter fouls off multiple pitches, or the pitcher is working from the stretch and taking his sweet time. If you have to leave suddenly, that’s forgivable, because the need to leave can’t always be controlled.
But when you come back can be controlled. Just wait until the at-bat is resolved. It will only take a moment, and you can get down the aisle and back to your seat with plenty of time to spare before the next pitch.
I’m not even going as far as suggesting you wait until the break in between innings. Waiting until the at-bat is over is almost nothing to ask. This is baseball – every pitch is important. If we’re sitting in our seats, we want to see all the pitches, because you never know when something really important is going to happen. We don’t want your melon head blocking our view, even if it’s just a slider off the plate that doesn’t even get a swing.
It’s been said that good manners cost nothing. Bad manners don’t usually cost much, but if you return to your seat in the middle of an at-bat while I’m sitting behind you…don’t be surprised if you’re approached by security about the anonymous text they received that said you were using audible racial slurs.
(Update 5/24/13: Upon reflection, it occurs to me there’s no possible way I’ve never returned to my seat in the middle of an at-bat. “If there is any conduct more vulgar…” blah blah blah, I’ve probably done it at every Brewers game I’ve been to in my life. And it took me two days to realize it. Boy, I’m an oblivious ass. With that in mind, I feel I owe it to posterity to unequivocally acknowledge my hypocrisy here.)
(But still, don't return to your seat in the middle of an at-bat. Otherwise, you're no better than an oblivious ass.)