On Counsell: "Counsell's old batting stance made him ineffective against curveballs, but deadly against pinatas."
On Dunn: "I haven't seen anyone have this much trouble getting to first base since me."
On both: "I'm calling for Dunn and Counsell to be tested for performance-diminishing drugs. The human body just does not naturally suck this hard."
So congratulations, Craig and Adam -- considering how many young people get their news from the Daily Show and the Colbert Report, your struggles are now known to much wider audience than before.